omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just invented taco cereal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
