youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
