hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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