i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
