oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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