I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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