Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
