he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
