So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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