Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
