It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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