we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
