Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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