bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
