Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
