no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize