I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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