I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
