Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
