I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize