At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
