Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
