I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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