Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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