as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
