Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
