If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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