Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
