He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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