You just made me feel so damn special
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize