sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I could make wine with my vomit
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
