yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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