So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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