Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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