Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
