This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
