marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
