Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
