guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
