He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
