it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you win again, gameday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
