So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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