My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She told me I should be a condom model.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
