can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
