There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
