i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
