ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She needs sedatives and a leash
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
