Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
