Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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