In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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