In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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