Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We got so high we made milksteak
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
