The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
