I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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