They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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