Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
