They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
