Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
