it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dick very happy bro
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