So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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