Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
