perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he fucked my hip out of place.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
