guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
