Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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